Please Understand
by Madin456
Summary: It's just three words to confirm that 'yes, I'm gay' but they get stuck in his throat and after so long, it's just so much easier to swallow them back down. / Just because he's gay doesn't mean that a pat on the shoulder should give out the message I want your dick. (Or, the entire school knows that Leo is gay, but only Leo knows that Nico is gay.) — Valdangelo. Highschool!AU.


**Summary:** It's just three words to confirm that _yes, I'm gay_ but they get stuck in his throat and after so long, it's just so much easier to swallow them back down. / Just because he's gay doesn't mean that a pat on the shoulder should give out the message _I want your dick._ (Or, the entire school knows that Leo is gay, but only Leo knows that Nico is gay.) — Valdangelo. Highschool!AU.

 **A/N:** I don't really have any personal experience with any of the subjects mentioned in this story, but I tried to make it as… realistic as possible. It's kind of a heavy topic, so I'd love to hear your thoughts!

 **Disclaimer: I do not own** _ **Percy Jackson and the Olympians.**_

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Please Understand

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Nico di Angelo sits by himself at an empty table in the large cafeteria room, trying to comprehend it all. A few tables away, he hears laughter coming from a curly-haired boy whose eyes were fixated on the book he's reading as his fingers tap away restlessly on the wooden surface. Nico frowns because none of it makes sense.

The shift had come unbelievably fast. Just yesterday, Leo Valdez was surrounded by a group of friends who claimed that they would always support each other, despite how they would constantly have to hear Leo's cheesy jokes; and twenty-four hours later, all of them have abandoned the aspiring mechanic. What had changed? Leo still tells the same jokes, still laughs and smiles all the same, but now he's only laughing to himself and mutters the punchline quietly under his breath because what's a joke if there's no audience to hear it?

All because he spoke his mind, let out his true feelings and shared a part of who he is with his fellow classmates. And in less than a day, everyone had turned against him.

He is no longer Leo Valdez, the physics genius who designed a remote-controlled robotic dragon for the science fair last year and won first place. Suddenly, all his achievements don't matter anymore because now he's _the gay kid_ , the boy who's attracted to other boys, the new victim for bullies all around the school.

Gym class becomes a race to get out of the change rooms as quickly as possible, before the gay kid makes a move and harrasses you. Biology class becomes a place where the students have debates about whether Leo actually has a Y chromosome or not. And every other class is a game to partner up in pairs and take a seat before Leo walks in, to avoid sitting next to the homosexual kid to reduce the chances of catching the _gay cooties_ themselves—because simply saying _no homo_ won't work anymore.

Nico wasn't there when the brown-haired boy came out, but he wouldn't be surprised Leo had climbed on top of a table and yelled it out to the world. And while he respects that doing this is completely Leo's own decision, he doesn't get why something so simple changes so many things.

It's scary how quickly other people will abandon their "friends" once the rest of society deems them to be different. It's not like Leo has changed, really; he just likes people of the same gender, and as long as the love is still sincere and heartfelt and _genuine_ , Nico doesn't think that makes it any inferior to when the love is between two people of opposite genders. Leo can like whoever he likes—and that's how love _should_ work.

Nico just really doesn't get why it's such a big deal.

He doesn't get it.

 _He doesn't get it._

.

Leo handles it really well, Nico observes. The mockery, the name-calling, the teasing, the bullying in general—the brown-haired boy responds to all of it with a smile.

Sometimes, though, when Leo's hand brushes against another student's by accident, they jerk away as if being gay makes their body react the same way it would when they touch a burning stove. This is one of the rare occurrences when the grin on the Latino's face will falter before he mutters a quiet _sorry_ and turns around to walk away because the atmosphere is suddenly suffocating and he needs to _get out_. It's at times like these when Nico makes sure to stay behind and send a glare in the other student's direction because it shouldn't be _Leo_ who has to apologize.

And then, about a month later, Leo doesn't come to school for almost an entire week. Nico stares at the empty seat in the second row of his homeroom class and wonders how people can be so cruel. When the attendance is taken and the rest of the class finds out that _the gay kid_ is absent, they all seem to collectively sigh in relief. One of the boys makes a joke about how maybe being gay really is like catching the flu, and _for Leo's sake_ , he hopes that after this, Leo will be cured of his homosexuality.

It takes all of Nico's willpower not to punch the guy in the face. He stands up so abruptly that he knocks over his chair and makes the entire class go silent, but he doesn't care because he _can't take it anymore._

He leaves.

Just bolts out without even attempting to provide an explanation.

He finds himself in the bathroom, locked in the last stall, and cries for the curly-haired, brown-eyed boy who was brave enough to share his deepest secret with the rest of the school. He cries for anyone else who is struggling with the same feelings of just wanting to let it all out but knowing that the consequences are nothing but negative.

And he cries for himself, his own secret that he hasn't quite come to terms with yet, and wonders for the billionth time how Leo still manages to smile through it all.

.

When Leo comes back to school, there are dark circles under his eyes and he looks beyond tired. He walks over to where Nico sits by himself in the cafeteria and yells to get everyone's attention. The usual chatters dies down, all eyes turning in their direction.

This is when Nico learns that even Leo—always smiling, always joking Leo—has a limit to his tolerance too.

The brown-haired boy stomps his foot on the table. "Listen up! I have something to say." He's trying to be strong, trying _so hard_ to keep his voice from cracking, but his words come out as shaky vibrations and he has to force back the tears that are threatening to spill out. "When I came out, I was expecting a 'whoa, dude, I had no idea' or even 'what the hell, Leo? I thought you liked chicks!' but these past few weeks have been painful.

"I held onto the idea that I could trust you guys, that you'd be more open-minded about something that's been part of me for so long, but evidently, I was wrong. I just wanted to let you know that—that being gay doesn't mean I'm defective and it isn't as uncommon as you think, so please try to understand because I'm not the only one in this school."

He turns to Nico. "I know you're gay too," Leo says to him softly, but still loud enough for everyone else to hear. "I've seen the way you look at some of the guys. It's fine, come on, just tell them."

Nico's eyes widen in shock. He blinks and realizes that Leo is holding onto his arm so that he can't escape. _Betrayal_ is what he feels in that second—betrayal from someone he has barely even talked to before. It's so sudden and unfair of Leo to corner him like this. While Leo has good intentions and isn't wrong in his claim, _no one_ was ever supposed to know about Nico's secret. He should quickly deny it while he still has the chance, but how can he just outwardly lie about something he's wanted to let out for so long?

The crowd switches their attention to Nico, waiting to see if he confirms it, waiting to see if they will add another victim to their list of targets to bully. The dark-haired boy knows that if he comes out, it will be worse than being an outcast like how it is now; people will go out of their way to make his life miserable and sure, he wants some attention, wants to be noticed just a little, but not like this— _not like this._

He glances up at Leo and he can see the sincerity in the boy's eyes underneath all the hurt and falsely confident exterior he puts up. Despite being picked on every day and having the other students mock him whenever he walks down the halls, Leo is more or less okay. He is okay, but he still has his moments of weaknesses.

And, for whatever unfathomable reason, Leo thinks that Nice will be okay, too, if he admits to the entire school who he really is right here and now. He knows that Leo is trying to be his friend, trying to _help_ him—which is more than what anyone else has ever done—and Leo is smiling encouragingly at him, always smiling, and that can't be easy because this is not a situation in which a person would smile.

Nico inhales. It's just three words to confirm that _yes, I'm gay_ but they get stuck in his throat and after so long, it's just so much easier to swallow it back down. He thinks about how life would be if he no longer has to lie to everyone about his sexuality—if he no longer has to lie to _himself_. Is it worth the harassment that will come as a result of letting out his secret?

And Leo needs this too, he realizes; Leo needs him to confess because it helps to know that you're not alone and that there's someone out there—someone in dark clothing with black circles under his eyes who sits in the cafeteria by himself every day—just like him. Someone he can finally share a table with and talk to without the other person flinching every time he makes physical contact. (Just because he's gay doesn't mean that a pat on the shoulder should give out the message _I want your dick_.)

But peer pressure is a powerful thing. The audience has grown bigger in a matter of minutes, a circle of curious students forming around the two of them, and Nico is already the center of attention; if he confirms Leo's suspicions now, he'd stand out even more. He absolutely does _not_ want that. He just wants to be normal, wants to be like everyone else, wants to like girls so badly it hurts, because girls are amazing in their own right, but he can't help it if he gets all fluttery on the inside when a cute guy walks by— _he can't help it._

The entire cafeteria holds its breath, waiting for the black-haired boy's response.

"I'm not gay," Nico whispers finally, not even managing to meet Leo's eyes. It's a lie and they both know it; he chickened out and took the easy way out. The look of hurt that Leo gives him sends an arrow of guilt through his heart, but it's too late now and Nico can't make it better anymore, so he turns around and just walks away, staring at the ground until he's out of the school.

.

Nico drops by Leo's locker the next day, even though he has a feeling that the mechanic in training probably never wants to see him again. What he did yesterday was mean and cruel and everything he's wanted other people _not_ to do to him.

The brown-haired boy greets him with a smile while Nico frowns to hide the nervousness inside him.

"I know what you're here for and you don't need to say anything," Leo reassures him, "I get it."

And for the first time, the words really resonate with Nico. He gets it. He's been through the same things, the same inner turmoil and suppression of feelings and denial of his true self and the constant _fear_ and _paranoia_ that comes with letting out a secret he's kept to himself for so long and the helplessness of just wanting to feel _accepted._

 _He gets it._

"I'm sorry too," the brown-haired boy continues, "I'm sorry for trying to force you to come out when you weren't ready. It took me almost two years to finally say it myself, so it was wrong of me to push you like that. I guess… I guess I was just feeling lonely, and the bullying really gets to me sometimes, you know?" He smiles softly. "I hope we can still be friends?"

Leo stretches out his hand and Nico grasps it in his own in a firm handshake, and there's no flinching or any feeling of unease as they walk away together. In fact, nothing has ever felt so _right_ because they are just two boys who happen to like other boys—two boys trying to find their place in this constricting world—and, honestly, what's so wrong about that?

Leo understands Nico and Nico understands Leo.

And that's all they ever needed, really: someone who _understands_.


End file.
